Why Your Coach Doesn't Give You the Answers
If you've ever walked out of a coaching session thinking, "Why didn't they just tell me what to do?" — you're not alone. The coaching process can feel disorienting for physicians in academic medicine who are used to being the expert in the room. When you spend your professional life giving answers, it's natural to expect someone else to hand them back to you when you're the one seeking help. But coaching vs consulting in academic medicine is a real and important distinction.
Why Coaches Ask Questions Instead of Giving Directives
Here's the thing I've learned both as a coach and from being coached myself: answers that come from the outside rarely stick. A consultant can hand you a framework. A mentor can share what worked for them. Both are valuable. But a coach's job is different — it's to help you find the answer that fits your context, your values, and your constraints.
Marcia Reynolds, in her book Coach the Person, Not the Problem, puts it well: the most powerful coaching happens when the coach reflects back what the client can't yet see in their own thinking. That's not withholding expertise. That's a deliberate method designed to produce insight that actually changes behavior.
The Frustration Is Part of the Process
I won't pretend this is comfortable at first. Physicians are trained to diagnose and solve. Sitting in ambiguity feels inefficient, maybe even a little threatening. When I first experienced coaching, I remember wanting a checklist — just tell me the five things to fix. Instead, I got questions that made me slow down and examine assumptions I didn't even know I was carrying.
That discomfort? It's actually the signal that something important is happening. You're building a skill you'll use long after the coaching engagement ends: the ability to coach yourself through difficult decisions.
Think of It Like Training, Not Treatment
A good strength coach doesn't lift the weight for you. They watch your form, ask what you're feeling, and adjust the program so you get stronger over time. If they grabbed the barbell every session, you'd never develop the capacity yourself. Coaching works the same way. The goal isn't to leave each conversation with a neat answer — it's to leave with a clearer sense of how you think, what you value, and where you want to go.
What This Means for You
If your coach keeps asking questions instead of prescribing solutions, they're not being evasive. They trust that you have more insight than you realize, and they're helping you access it. The next time you feel that pull toward wanting the answer, try leaning into the question instead. You might be surprised by what you already know.
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