The Resistance to Being Coached: Where It Comes From and How to Move Past It
Nobody Wakes Up Excited to Be Coached
Let me paint a picture. You are a successful physician in academic medicine. You run a lab, teach residents, see patients, and sit on three committees. Someone suggests you work with a coach. Your first thought is probably not "great idea." It is more like: why would I need that?
That reaction is completely normal. And it is worth understanding where it comes from, because the resistance itself often tells you more about your situation than you realize.
The Roots of Resistance
Medical training builds a specific kind of person. Someone who solves problems independently, tolerates enormous pressure, and rarely asks for outside input on their own performance. Those traits save lives.
But they also create a deep association: needing help equals falling short. That equation gets baked in during residency and reinforced for years after. By mid-career, it is not even a conscious thought. It is just how you operate.
The resistance to coaching usually comes from one of three places.
The self-reliance reflex. You have solved every hard problem in your career by bearing down and working through it. Why would this be any different? The issue is that career challenges, leadership dynamics, and interpersonal friction do not respond to the same approach as a clinical puzzle. They require a different kind of thinking -- the kind that is genuinely hard to do alone.
Fear of exposure. Coaching means letting someone see behind the curtain. For physicians who have spent years managing how they are perceived, that feels dangerous. What if the coach sees something I have been hiding from myself? What if I am not as capable as everyone thinks? These fears are rarely spoken aloud, but I hear them underneath almost every initial conversation.
The remediation stigma. In many medical institutions, coaching has historically been offered to people who are struggling. If the only physicians you have seen get coaching were on performance improvement plans, of course you would resist it. But that framing is outdated. A 2023 study in Academic Medicine found that professional coaching is increasingly being used as a development tool for high-performing faculty, not a corrective one.
The Moment Resistance Becomes a Problem
Skepticism about coaching is fine. Healthy, even. I do not want to work with someone who blindly agrees to everything. Critical thinking is what makes physicians good at what they do.
But there is a line between healthy skepticism and reflexive avoidance. You cross it when you find yourself dismissing the idea without ever seriously considering it. When you notice that the same career frustrations keep showing up year after year. When your inner voice says "I should be able to handle this" about something you clearly have not been able to handle.
That is the moment resistance stops protecting you and starts costing you.
How to Start Moving Through It
You do not have to defeat the resistance all at once. That is not how it works. In my experience, the shift happens in small, honest moves.
- Name the resistance. Say it out loud or write it down. "I am resistant to coaching because I think it means I have failed." Just putting words to it takes away some of its power.
- Separate the story from the situation. The story is "I should not need help." The situation might be "I have been stuck in the same role for four years and I do not know why." Those are different things.
- Talk to someone who has done it. Not a salesperson. Not a coach trying to sign you up. A colleague who has been through coaching and can tell you honestly what it was like. Hearing a peer describe the experience is worth more than any article -- including this one.
- Try one conversation. Not a commitment. Not a six-month engagement. Just one conversation where you let someone ask you honest questions about your career and you answer them without performing.
Jerry Colonna, executive coach and author of Reboot, puts it well: "The things we are most afraid to look at are usually the things most in need of our attention." That applies to careers just as much as it applies to anything else.
The Resistance Is Data
Here is what I have learned after years of coaching physicians: the resistance is not the enemy. It is information. It tells you where the edges are -- where growth is waiting if you are willing to step toward it.
You do not have to be ready. You just have to be honest enough to ask whether the resistance is protecting you or holding you back.
If you'd like to learn more, contact us to schedule a time to chat.
