When Coaching Gets Uncomfortable — That's Often Where the Growth Is
The Question That Stops You Cold
You are fifteen minutes into a coaching session, talking through a frustrating situation with a colleague, and then I ask a question that lands differently. Maybe it is "What is your part in this?" or "What would it look like if you were wrong?" The conversation stalls. You feel a flash of something — irritation, maybe, or a sudden urge to change the subject.
That moment of coaching discomfort is not a sign that something has gone off track. For physicians navigating growth in academic medicine, that uncomfortable pause is often exactly where the real work begins.
Why the Growth Edge Feels Like a Threat
Brene Brown writes in Dare to Lead that discomfort is "the birthplace of innovation, creativity, and change." But knowing that intellectually and feeling it in real time are very different things. When you have spent your entire career building expertise and projecting confidence, a question that reveals uncertainty can feel like an exposure.
Your training taught you to have answers. Coaching asks you to sit in the space before the answer arrives. That gap is the growth edge in coaching, and it is supposed to feel unfamiliar.
What Leaning In Actually Looks Like
Leaning into uncomfortable coaching sessions as a physician does not mean forcing yourself to enjoy the discomfort. It means noticing it without immediately retreating. Here is what that can look like in practice.
Name it out loud. Say "That question is hitting a nerve" or "I notice I want to deflect right now." Naming the reaction takes away some of its power and gives your coach valuable information about where the real issue lives.
Stay with the silence. When a question stumps you, resist the urge to fill the space with a safe answer. The first response that comes to mind is usually the rehearsed one. The honest one often needs a few more seconds.
Ask yourself what you are protecting. Discomfort in coaching almost always points to something you value — your competence, your reputation, your sense of control. Identifying the thing you are protecting helps you decide whether that protection is still serving you.
The Reps Add Up
Think of it like a basketball player practicing free throws under pressure. The shots that matter most are the ones that feel least comfortable — the ones taken when fatigue and self-doubt are loudest. The ability to stay present in that discomfort is what separates good from great, both on the court and in a coaching conversation.
You do not have to love the uncomfortable moments. You just have to stop treating them as evidence that coaching is not working. More often than not, they are evidence that it is.
If you'd like to learn more, contact us to schedule a time to chat.
