Finding a Coach — How to Know If Your Coach Is Working
It Is Not Just About You — It Is About Them Too
I have written before about how to tell if coaching itself is producing results. But there is a different question that deserves its own conversation: is your specific coach the right person for this work?
These are not the same thing. You can believe in coaching and still be matched with a coach who is not moving the needle. Think of it like a point guard. A talented player can still be a bad fit for a particular team's system. Fit matters as much as credentials.
They Challenge You, Not Just Support You
A good coach is not a cheerleader. If every session leaves you feeling validated but unchallenged, that is a red flag. Research from the Institute of Coaching at Harvard Medical School suggests that effective coaching relationships involve a balance of support and constructive disruption.
Your coach should be asking questions that make you pause. If you are never uncomfortable, you are probably not growing. The sessions should push you toward edges you have been avoiding.
You Leave With Clarity, Not Confusion
After a coaching session, you should feel like something has been sorted out. Not every time, but most of the time. You should be able to name what shifted or what you are going to do differently.
If you consistently leave sessions feeling more muddled than when you walked in, that is worth examining. A skilled coach helps you organize your own thinking, not add more noise to it.
They Remember Your Story
This one is simple but telling. Your coach should recall the context of your work, the cast of characters in your department, the threads from previous conversations. If you are re-explaining your situation every session, your coach is not doing the work between meetings that effective coaching requires.
You Are Doing Things Differently Outside the Room
Coaching effectiveness shows up in your daily life, not just in the session itself. Are you having conversations you used to avoid? Setting boundaries you used to ignore? If nothing changes between sessions, the coaching relationship needs an honest review.
Ask yourself this: in the last month, can I point to one specific decision or interaction that went differently because of coaching? If the answer is consistently no, it might be time to have a candid conversation with your coach about what is and is not working.
When to Speak Up
The best coaching relationships can handle direct feedback. Tell your coach what is landing and what is not. If that conversation itself feels impossible, that tells you something important about the fit.
Evaluating your coach is not disloyal. It is responsible. You deserve a coaching relationship that actually moves your career and your life forward.
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